Capital Junkie

Feeling Arty

2008-09-28T10:32:00.002+08:00

Feeling Arty?

What a day?!

2008-09-26T12:33:00.003+08:00

Maira 17th Muffin!

Ryan&Mable

Missed school for the third time in 2 weeks.

Well dad is a little bit pissed

Honestly, I totally could not wake up!

Hahaa.. cos I spend most of my night up with my girls.

Nad and Ima

I want to know if its worth the effort and trip down to send the gift.

He didnt really appreciate it anyway.

Nad was telling that I should just keep it for Rob.

Not that I dont want to but I m not a free loader.

A small gratitude is suffice to pay for everything else.

Met Maira yesterday with a candle lit muffin.

It was darn last minute and i thought I definitely have to get smth for her.

And I did.

Was something small to thank her for being such a sweetheart.

HAPPY 17 MAIRAAAAAA KENTAL!

May there be many birthday's to come and know that I'll love you like infinity!

Boredom

2008-09-23T12:38:00.002+08:00

This is the exact reaction I have everytime it comes to Basic Science Module

However can I run away?

Darling help...

Not Moving On

2008-09-22T22:50:00.003+08:00

At last I realised, he hasnt gotten over her.

A painful sight to see a painful heart to beat.

Maybe I think too much, maybe there really was nothing between us.

Its just a matter of "Maybe".

He gave me hope and took it away.

He once told me that nothing is impossible.

I m torned by the truth that speaks.

Did he ever meant what he said or was it just a saying that goes along?

How can I not be bothered when all I felt being around him was happiness?

The world is doing it again to me.

Cheating.

Something I said or react may have caused the distance.

But know that my words was never a lie.

Should I continue giving up or should I persue this matter?

Is it true that nothing is impossible?

You left me confuse.

The silence treat you gave me makes me hate you more and like you at the same time.

I kept thinking about you.

Maybe there is something I m fond of.

For its been months I ever felt this way.

Girlfriends

2008-09-18T01:37:00.003+08:00

Cheng Ho's To Kusu Island
Arty Fart W45P! Miss Ya Peeps!
Sparks of Ramadhan
Gaying 0.O
PIMP-ing

Random pictures for you random people out there! ;)

Nothing feels good than having your girlfriends around you

Honestly, I feel great!

Its always very pleasing to just hang out talked about the latest stuff happening

Yea, I dont really fancy gossiping but once it a while, its good to just unwind and

Let things run around... like bla bla bla...hehe

I wanna get a new closet!

Like real baddd lar...

So was talking to Sarina about it

She said..."Yea high time!"

Hehehe.... thats so reliable of her aye...

Caught up with Ima just this morning,

We both werent "puase-ing"...

Had strawberrry-kiwi Snapple and puffer fishy.

Nice!

Then met up with Sarina bumbed into Jerina and Sansan

Was good I must say cos I got back refreshed though it was past midnight

Dad hola countless times asking me when i will be home

Got back safe dad!

I like him, but am being a turn not doing anything

If someone knows about this, dead I'll be!

Ah well, just another one of my crushes

Its a girl thing, and boy it has something got to do with you!

RATATATA....

Insane

2008-09-17T16:34:00.002+08:00

So things drive us crazy everyday.

Like the most littlest small things.

Why get so worked up?

Damn it all and get a grip of everything.

We can't allow such insane buggers get into our daily routine.

I much as I hate saying this, we just can't

Cos this is the way it is and its just human to be donig what we do best.

To brush it off our shoulders seems like a burden on its own.

Cos the more we try too, the more it'll eat us up!

Freak it!

I wanna go out bad but everyone seems to be drowning themselves in school!

Aurrgghh!!

Woke up fregging late today

No bloody soul woke me up and I have to miss the most boring module ever.

Its good in a way. Hahaa..

A lazy piece of meat I m.

All good aye ;)

Mom got back not long ago and sigh knowing I haven been to school two days just this week.

Heyy not that I choose not too alright, shit happens!

Freggit! I want to think that I could'nt care less but I actually do.

hehe

I m so darn boreddddddddd.........

I need to get involve in something this instance.

Kickboxing seems interesting huh?

Get the girl power outta me.

Making me feel all pumped up and all ready to punch some dude's face.

Those who seriously annoyed me to the very core.

People, I am still sane, just a little bugged out by some stuff.

Box like a champ!

That's gonna be meeeee!!

WeeeeHooo!

Loving it!

Lost.

2008-09-15T18:09:00.002+08:00

It wasnt clear what was it I am chasing

Perhaps I was as good as being confuse

Dissapointment wrapped me thick and I can hardly breath

Was it a way of God to show me things?

Dissapointment?

The taxi ride was the last thing I remembered most

Deleted everything from my inbox to my phonebook

No traces of bad memories

New ones to form

Have I always been this sad?

If this is life, then what is death?

I m losing it one after another

Is it me or is it the way things are towards me?

Give up on me already

Get a life and stop trying

There is nothing more I would want to wish for

I m all numb

All numb from the situation itself

I want to stop looking

And start loving life

Perhaps it will, sooner nor later

Carve a smile on my face

I needed nothing of anything that I was looking for before

Just things I've left behind whilst busy looking

Path to the righteous

Smell of heaven

Guide me

Love me

I need air.

School.

2008-09-06T14:22:00.003+08:00

First day of school was a dread but I pull through it just fine.

Was darn elated to meet my S-buds. I miss them all. Like all.

Mable stick with me for the whole week of school.

Roaming aimlessly during breakout.

Honeslty, my class isn't that bad after all. I mean I do know some people in class.

Just not that well cos they were my hi-bye friends from Amkss.

Not bad eh. I mean I didnt really make friends with them that well.

Just teamwork kinda talk and work discussions. Not more.

Had a couple of Cina people that I barely understand.

So as not to be rude, I pretend I do.

It wasnt easy. Like really really.

Heard a shocking news from Mable.

One that stunned me till now.

Kept thinking about it.

Obviously, I do feel really sad about it but happy for her at the same time.

Darl, you deserve it all missy.

Thats for being so kind and a good friend to me.

Yea... all for that. =)

I m having mixed feeling about what is happening between stuff and me.

Talked to KakMai last night about my new found friend.

She didnt really like what she heard.

She thought I m playing someone out.

Not my intentions too honestly.

We are just casual friends that share something in common.

Its not easy having tied down yet not.

Like the world is cheating you.

That feeling where you are caught in between.

Not knowing which turn to make.

Fearing that every turn may lead to a mistake.

A mistake that could never be reverse.

I m scared.

So scared to face tomorrow now.

The world indeed is unfair.

I need a light.

Not Ruling

2008-08-27T20:02:00.002+08:00

Feels like forever for one to stand up for what they want to do.

Sometimes thinking, am I too young for everything?

Mom and Dad definately has good intentions for me.

What they do was just to protect what's theirs.

I understand.

Every single bit of it.

But sometimes being too protective might just bite onto them back.

Like what is hapenning now.

I do what I want to do.

Limits is what I uphold to strongly.

I know my grounds and I know what is too high to reach.

I m aware He is watching me for I m still sane and mature.

I still need the both of you.

To shower me with unconditional love.

I m losing someone right now.

For I dont want that someone to be you.

Life is heading uphill for some.

But for the unfortunate ones, its shit.

Forgive me for what may seems wrong to you and vice versa to me.

Don't worry. I m still yours as what I was born into.

Your daughter, your friend.

I m still me and thank GOD for that mirical.

I know you are mad.

I know you are sad.

I know you lost hope.

But I dont know to what extend.

Just pray for my success.

Just pray that I'll turn out right.

The way you want to see right.

I love you Mom.

I love you Dad.

Yesternight

2008-08-25T14:42:00.002+08:00

Was out yesternite till late

It was a good nite out after so long of being trap in this cave.

Talked about almost everything.

Randomness....

I like it that way.

Hate to say it but I kinda enjoy the company

I mean he has been away for far too long as I expected

And that sometimes, along the way we just need someone if not many

to be there listennig and motivating us.

I finally figured why I have been so reserved and not doing things that I long to do

Was true what ben said.

Do what you want to do without being restricted.

Shit happens.

But it will somehow brings us back to reality and hence makes us wiser and better.

As a person that is.

No one is perfact so shit it if things does not go as plan.

Stop being the excuse for doing things you crave for.

Instead do it whole-heartedly and that yea, if all things fails,

We know, we were once there.

Doing what we've always wanted to.

Mom and dad, as much as I love you guys,

I want you to respect my space and my actions.

Supporting it would have been a good move.

But going against my doings would have caused you to be in much pain.

Not to worry, I am still sane and thinking and have consciencious.

The chalet has already begun and I am still sitting here,

Looking half past six and not showered yet all ready for the second round of sleep.

Sign.

I wanna go out.

Like freaking rite now.

So where do I stand?

2008-08-20T04:17:00.002+08:00

Was talking to Nad bout stuff..

Whilst doing so, I came out with this question,

"Where do I stand?"

Its pretty vake but its all I could think of since 3 hours ago.

Most probably I've been unproductive and that things are just eating up on me.

We talked about everything from school to family to friends to boyfriend.

Why must it be so hard to get through life?

Must it always be this difficult?

What does it takes for us to be happy?

Lots of sufferring and sacrifices?

Some say in order to have a moment of happiness,

One has to face 10 times the shit before.

I chuckled everytime I think of it.

I mean yea it does but why must man put it in such a way where it is so difficult for many

to swallow it?

Perhaps its for self realisation where it slapped right into our face.

3 days more till I celebrate my victory of my longest relationship.

I've been saying these umteem times,

I was quite sketical about this relationship but my skeptism lasted me a whole year.

Perhaps, again, we live with sketism to keep us going.

Keeping us strong and hold on dearly to something we will lose one day.

Two o'clock and I wish that I was sleepin
Your in my head like a song on the radio
All I know is I gotta get next to you
Sittin here turnin minutes into hours
To find the nerve just to call you on the telephone
Cause you don't know that I gotta get next to you

Maybe were friends
Maybe were more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little to long
And it makes me start to wonder
So baby call me crazy but I think you feel it too
Maybe I, Maybe I just gotta get next to you

Extracted from Lyrics "Next to You" ~ Jordin Sparks

It's you

2008-08-16T16:55:00.005+08:00

Switchfoot - You

There's always something in the way

There's always something getting through

But it's not me

It's You,

It's You

Sometimes ignorance rings true

But hope is not in what i know

It's not in me..

Me it's in You,

It's in You

It's all i know

I find peace when i'm confused

I find hope when i'm let down

Not in me ... me

In You, it's in You

I hope to lose myself for good

I hope to find it in the end

Not in me ... me

In You

It's all i know

In You

It's in You

There's always something in the way

There's always something getting through

But it's not me

It's You

It's You ....

Sometimes I think to myself, has it always been me?

Was it me who stired the batter?

Wasnt long a wait and answers until I came across this song and I realise that whatever I did was actually about him.

Been a goon all these while!

Been so Kental and a freak blaming myself for selfless actions of rights.

Ahh watever I say.

Not worth the thought and obviously my time.

Darn so bored like fuk.

Work is a dragggggggg.....

But its good cos I m paid to do whatever I want whilst waiting for a guest to approch which fortunately takes 5 million years too!

How cool kan?!

VERY! =D

Pissed Rob yesternite

He was over reacting thats for sure.

But I never mean to hurt him or whatsoever.

I said what I have too.
Perhaps I caught him at a bloody wrong time.
That, I admit.
Ah well, its cool now so lets put that one corner.

I wish some handsome dude come rescue me and sweep me off my feet from this coldroom. ( My workplace that is!)
Its only 535 and I HAVE to be HERE till 10.
My luck.
My day.
I am happy.
NOT!

Ciao

Not to forget...

2008-08-13T20:01:00.002+08:00

ohhhhh...Not to forget farewell to the S buds.

Well you guys have obviously been great and always cheering and making a fool of one's self.

I hate to admit but sometimes I do like and enjoy doing so. (Making a fool that is!)

Special credits to these people...

Mable - For always being there for me

Bru - For making me feel like his mother

Nicol - For being a good friend

Jas - For challenging me till I have to declare myself a wrestler

Bebe - For always wanna touch my boobs!

Wing - For being a sucker yet a good listener

Arjun - For being a cute starbucks guy

Madhu - For the sticks and relationship shit we shared

Ashley - For being a cute Muitai dude...

There are many many more to thank but because of the fact I m lazy, I apologise for leaving some people out. You guys have been great anyway. SO cool and really laid back. Close to the nature I possess.

So thank you once again. We will definately meet up as always and share more silly jokes together! Farewell and all the best with the new classmates and friends.

Loving you guys always....

Kai

Farewell W45P

2008-08-12T21:45:00.003+08:00

I swear I m going to miss you guys.

Thanks for making my days in school so memorable.

Firstly to Miss Fee, thanks for hearing me out for everthing.

I know I m kental and all but you still stood to listen.

Thanko babe ;P

Secondly Miss Maira, thanks too for being a great budd.

Up to crazy things and laughing at our classmates like pelat hua hua and tak

boleh angkat Jason! Whahaaaa....

And lastly, thanks for sharing with me everything and always caring.

You shone yet again darl! =)

To the rest of W45P

You guys have been great and that it is definately a great learning journey with all of you.

It would never be the same again without you guys.

Trust me! Imma doctor ;P

Loving you guys always!

Tilda and Wish you guys all the best in Life!

Rule the World

2008-08-12T21:28:00.002+08:00

I've always wanna rule the world.

You know like make this place a better place.

Nothing comes it perfact.

So its up to us all to make this place a place enjoyed by you and me.

Digresssssssssssss........

I m rather confuse of to where my love life is going to.

Where exactly are we heading to?

Where in the future do you see us?

In exactly 10 days,

I am officially with Rob for 1 whole year.

Its hard to believe we went this far.

Not saying I m pessimistic about it in the first place.

Just thinking about it fascinates me.

Sometimes I think you deserve to be with someone who will be there for you at all time.

Sometimes I think you deserve to be companied.

Sometimes I think I am being all selfish.

Keeping you to myself when there is definately someone out there who could be

closer to you in distance and could love you more.

I definately have issues with myself.

I definately have alot to think of right now.

Of exactly where we are heading and where we stand in each other's life.

Hope you understand.

Loving you always

Sweets!

2008-08-08T20:09:00.003+08:00

RobertRob4Kai
Carved on Wood, Inscripted in the Heart

Down Town...

2008-08-08T19:54:00.002+08:00

Caught up with Uncle Brendan, Aunt Cornnie and Annika yesterday for supper at Raffles Creamery. Had Hazelnut frappucino with M&Ms and marshmellows. De-li-si-o-so! If only I could have the whole of Raffles Creamery here in my home would I be the luckiest person! =P

Was good to catch up with them. The whole conversation revolved around my boyfriend. Rob dee bob. Seriously at that very moment, all I wanna do is to run to the airport and check myself in. I miss you like crazy!

Talked till late as always with him yesterday and guess what, I put him into deep sleep. Hung up the phone and went to bed. Missed school today. Went to the airport to send Brendan's family off. Was sad to see them leave but happy to know that I will be seeing them there in Perth soon in months to come. =)

I need to know something, someone. I need to know what is it that you are looking for into me. You have to tell me. I need to know. I am waiting for that someone to speak up. I am waiting for that someone to spill the beans and tell what that someone is hidding from. I need to know.

De bug!

2008-08-06T23:40:00.002+08:00

What's worst then getting caught with the flu bug and sent to bed for two darn whole day! Freak aye! This package includes fever, cold of cos, headaches and sore throat! Enough to turn you bulimic for 10 years! Did i mention cough that has higher chances to getting tuberculosis? So there you go, a generous package for me from god. I deserve it though.

Talked to Rob til late last night. More like our usual routine to be blunt. Miss him more now that I cant see him this summer. What a way to celebrate our 1 year. Love you Mister. Nope, its you. No one else. =)

Felt feverish when I wake up this morning. Not a feeling you wish to have to start the day. Missed culture and cognitive. Two of my favorite modules. Just my day. Just my luck.

Meeting Rob's aunt and uncle and Annika tomoro at Raffles Creamry for supper. Yum sobe and ice-cream enough to make me put on 20 pounds! Its gonna be sinful i tell you. Marshmellows, gummy bears, hazelnuts, almonds and many many many more! Drools.....

tilda!

Kaiii

Movie Gaga

2008-07-26T16:29:00.002+08:00

So yesterday was almost the most tiring day I've ever lived. Woke up, prepare for school, school, more school, cineleasure and vivo. Caught two movies in a day. Not bad for a freshie! =) Not to say I haven been going to the movies for years and that I got active back just recently. And for all those years I've been missing out, that makes me a semi-pro pirate! Hi ho! Ha ha ha ha ha...

But hey! Pirate no more! ;)

Caught X-files which nearly, just nearly put me to sleep. It pretty darn slow a story and that it kept the audience hanging in doubts. But what's worst is catching a movie you watched twice in cinema! That not only nearly put me to sleep, but it put me to snore! Nah... I cant snore no matter how hard I ttry too. Not pig enouugh.

Bridging the Gap

2008-07-24T16:16:00.000+08:00

4 days already and its not working out between me and mom. Pointless to be moving and progressing if mom is as good as gone. Ah well... Rob gave me an offer. Obviously, judging from the person I m, I would have to give that a pass and that is to reject his. Independance makes 80% of me so know that. =)

Anywho, I m still contemplating on whether or not I should go to Aussie. Financing it is a big pain whilst to endure all sh*t and hicking up with mom and dad is another. That is one to think and another to act.

Peace be to Che Guavera.

Loving life not!
Kai

Foreign Country

2008-07-21T09:31:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was like living in a foreign country where language was a barrier and culture was a joke. Everyone at home totally ignored me! It felt as thought I wasnt there yet still breathing. Haikal and another one of Khairun's friend was having dinner when I came home and that they acknowledge my present and since then I was good as not being there. Darn be to everyone even me!

Kept my cool and did my own stuff. Work was not that of a pain yesterday. After Fann left, I did seriously nothing! Just surfing and updating the blog.Well I went in a switch off mode as soon as Mr.Rat start rambbling about VB. (Totally Random!)

Just emailed Rob about me not being able to visit him this august and I seriously feel bad and lousy. So lousy that all i want to do is to just sit and stare in blank space for a good 10 minutes or even more.

Sorry Rob......... So sorrry.......... =(

MOS

2008-07-20T16:15:00.000+08:00

Went MOS with Mable,Madu,Don&Shawn. It was alright. Not thattttt interesting just that it was overcrowded and stuffy plus we can hardly breath and was perspiring like it rained inside! Btw, mom have no idea about my doings because I think,just think, she couldn't care less. Anyway, as I was saying, yea Mos was quite a drag mainly because we did not have great company and there were not many of us. Not saying that it was bad but it could get better.

The house music was okay. Most of the songs played were RnB and some random s**t that I hardly know. But who am I to please? So long the majority enjoy it and get drunk even before drinking, that should do all the trick! Saw that stupit dude who came to SVC earlier that day asking me form my number,dancing at the main dancefloor platform so close to me. Darn thing was he still have the freaking cheek to look and smile at me!! I remembered he came into my workplace,said I smiled to him and did the first move when all I did was look at him in disbelieve and cursing him in my heart for even looking for me. Well at MOS I totally acted like a biatch and ignored him. I danced with my friends and totally and seriously acting like a biatch. I cant help but repeat what I just said!

So got home and attended a lecture that lasted 1 and a half hour! I learn nothing anyway. More like left in right out! hehe

I m feeeling shit now so yea. Well till then.

Mommy hates moi!

Love mommy

Not Welcome

2008-07-20T13:26:00.000+08:00

It is devastating to know people whom you cherish,
Turn their back on you,
Knowing that it is the only solution to make you repent.
It is not known to them,
That their actions just put matter to the worst.

The struggle the pain and the sorrow,
Could never be felt by anyone but yourself,
I wish they knew what I am going through.
But they are only human not to.
Hence the fighting prolong on my own.

From dust till dawn I figured my way,
Only to realise the only way out was to sacrifice what I cherish.
Both pairs of their tired eyes,
Thought me to think,
God how much I owed them.

My very first cry was nothing but a curse,
To the misery of my parent's life.
I was not welcome.
I was not welcome.
It was not suppose to be me.

Along came my brother.
The issues begins.
Outcast I m,
From all the care I need.
From all the love I desire.

All the curfew imposed,
All the naggings told,
Was just a mare responsibility,
Never because of love.
But a chore instead.

Tried being liberal,
Tried being nice,
Tried being an angle,
But fell after it went unnotice
After it went unappreciated.

So I turned my back on them,
They turned their back on mine.
We both played the same game,
Hoping and praying for fate to bring us apart
Hoping and praying that we will just turn invisible.